More About My Loss... & some ettiquete

So, I ended my post yesterday with the birth of my darling sleeping angel, Annaliese.

If any of you have experienced a loss, let me take this time right now to offer your my condolences. I'm fully aware that my words don't make anything better - but sometimes it helps to know you're not alone.

Did you know there's this horrible, secret little club of us who have had losses? I know when we first lost Annaliese, there were plenty of people who came to me telling me that they had also experienced a loss. Among them were my own mother, grandmother and cousin (through adoption). They all felt the need to tell me that this was not the end of the road for me, and I should still remain hopeful. Luckily, I managed to keep from prison shanking the folks who told me this.

Loss is a horrible, awful thing I wouldn't wish on anyone. No one knows what to do, or what to say. If you're anything like me, then you wanted to gouge out people's eyes whenever the subject was brought up.

This post got me thinking... is there such a thing as 'miscarriage ettiquete'?
Let me assure you that there is.

DO tell the person how much you love them, and you will be there to talk about it when they are ready.

DON'T try and force them to talk about it

DO refer to the baby by name (if the parents have given the baby a name). I cannot tell you how much I hate that people always say 'the baby'. SHE HAD A NAME PEOPLE!!!!!!

DONT DON'T DON'T tell people that everything happens for a reason, or that this is God's plan. I can't stress this point enough. I heard this so many times over that I began to believe it, and had a serious hate for God on. It's taken me 14 months to come back to having any sort of faith in him.

DO encourage your friend, or yourself, to get out of the house. They won't feel like having fun. They don't want to go to a movie. You don't realize until you've gone through this that the world seems to revolve around pregnant people, babies, etc. Suggest a night in with a video game, a hike out in the mountains, something along those lines.

DON'T complain about your children. You may as well take a dagger, implant it directly into her heart and twist it. You have children, she doesn't.

And with that, my dears, I'm done for the day.