So Much To Tell...

Hello there, and welcome to my very first blog post. I could very well be the last person on the internet to start one. In any case, better late to the party than not go at all!

I wanted to start a blog because I really feel like I've been alone on my journey. I've visited many, MANY support websites, but no one I can find has a story similar to mine. If I can bare my soul, and even make one person feel like they're not alone, then it's worth it to me.

So - where to start? The begining is a great place, I suppose.

On June 6, 2008, I got quite a surprise. A comment made by my brother in law, about when his kids could expect cousins sent a cold chill down my spine. I couldn't remember the last date of my period! Yes, I know it sounds silly now, but at the age of 23, I had other things on my mind.

With an uneasy feeling in my stomach I picked up a home pregnancy test while I was at the grocery store that night. Being too much of a chicken to actually take it home and pee on it.. I went into the washroom at the grocery store. (Yes... I know, who does that?!?) Low and behold, I had two dark pink lines pop up on that sucker almost instantly. I'm pretty sure my heart stopped right there and then.

A million thoughts were racing through my head. My amazing, wonderful boyfriend and I were just getting started on our life together. He'd moved from Australia to Canada for me just 4.5 months earlier. We were young, stupidly in love, and now these 2 pink lines I had just witnessed were going to change all of that. I somehow managed to make it back to my car.. and did what any 23 year old girl does.. I whipped out the cell phone and called my best friend.

Zoe, god love her, already had a child. She understood 100% what I was going through. She patiently calmed me down for about 45 minutes before I felt calm enough to turn the key in the ignition and go home.

I remember standing in the kitchen, chopping up mushrooms for a stirfry when Chris came up behind me and asked why I was crying. I silently went to my purse and pulled out the pregnancy test, and put it down in front of him. I don't think I've ever seen the color drain out of someone's face so quickly!

After a lot of shock, and surprise, we both got used to the idea. We had a long discussion about what to do. In the end, I knew the only choice for me was to keep it. Poor Chris took a couple of days to adjust to the idea, but he came around.

It turned out that I was already 7 weeks along. Everything progressed normally. The only time I really had morning sickness was, of course, when Chris made the phone call home to his parents to tell them the news. I think the first time his father had ever heard me, was the sound of me projectile vomiting in the background. Don't let it be said that I don't make good impressions!

August 15,2008 was a special day. We were on vacation in Las Vegas. It was the day before my stepsister's wedding, and I had booked in to an ultra sound lab to tell us the gender of the baby.
The ultrasound tech was playing coy, and asked us what we thought we were having. We had always had a feeling that we were having a baby girl. She slowwwwwly typed on the screen...

It's a .... GIRL!

Flash forward to September 20, 2008. I had been experiencing some back pain. Nothing new for me, because my back always acts up. I went to sleep on the night of September 21, 2008, a Sunday, and I just remember having such backpain.

I woke up on the morning of September 22, 2008 to a little bit of blood on my sheets. I yelled for Chris who was in the shower. We rushed to the hospital only to be told that we had l ost our little angel.

Annaliese Sydney was born at 1:49pm on September 22, 2008. She has been in our hearts since the moment we first knew she was on our way to this very day.

That's all I have the heart to write right now.